Lobster Boys

Usually I am not one to criticize caregivers when it comes to our youth center here on base. They do a great job, and my kids have all had a ball at all of the functions. But today, I have a major beef with them.

Today the youth center took the teens and preteens to Raging Rivers, the big water park here in North Dakota. Now this is a big deal because there really aren't any good theme parks in this state but that, and it is in Mandan, which is over 2 hours away, so they only get to go once a year if that. Both of my boys went on the trip today and came home looking like lobsters. They were told by the staff to bring sunscreen (which they did) and we told them MANY times last night and this morning before they left to PLEASE remember to use sunscreen.

Don't you think that if you were on a trip, in charge of lots of 9-14 year olds, that you should make a point to take a few minutes before getting in the water to make sure they put on the sunblock? It was really sunny and over 80 degrees today. Teenager said that at no time were they reminded to use it and that he didn't see any of the kids using sunscreen. I know that they should have remembered and taken care of themselves, but come on. These are kids who were excited and anxious to get in the water. I think the adults should have been more responsible. I'll bet the adults aren't burned.

I guess maybe I have a heightened sensitivity about this at the time. I just am so angry that they are both burned, and not just a little. Bear is completely red from his waist up, and the Teenager is too. Bear is in a lot of pain too, poor thing. Of course I worry about skin cancer and all that, but I am more concerned that they are in pain and it should have been prevented. I guess I'll have to think twice about letting them go on these trips without us again.

Am I being irrational? Am I making this a bigger deal than it should be? Do you think it was the responsibility of the care givers, or the kids?

Weekend update

Hey do you remember way back when, when my blog was somewhat interesting? When I posted about social issues, or commented on news stories, or even just lighthearted family crap? And pictures? Yeah, me neither.

T, I hope you don't think I am ungrateful for your visit because I haven't blogged about it yet. I just haven't really been in the mood to post lately. Your visit was like a breath of fresh air, and I really appreciated everything you did while you were here. The kids loved having you and they miss you so much, especially babygirl. I'm sorry for all the drama at the vets. Thank God you were there for me though. I really love you.

I've decided to take convalescent leave for the rest of my chemo treatments, about 6 weeks. Luckily the Air Force is being really great about it. I just hope I'll be able to get back into the swing of things when the time comes. I feel like I've been a civilian for the last several months. I can count on 2 hands how many times I've actually worked.

I can't wait to get back in school. I feel like I'm wasting a lot of time. I've been out of school for almost a year now. I was so hoping to graduate this year, but I still have 11 classes to go. But hell, it's been about 8 years, what's another 2?

In about 8 weeks, all of the chemo drugs should be out of my system. Hopefully that will mean that my appetite will return and my blood pressure will go back to normal. It has been so low that I get lightheaded every time I stand up. I need to gain about 20 lbs, and I really need to get back in shape. My muscles are like jello right now. I do flexibility exercises, but I can't do cardio without wanting to pass out from low blood pressure. Soon I'll be back to normal. Hopefully my hair will grow back fast.

It was sad to hear about Farrah and MJ dying this week. I think I was more sad for Farrah, because of the cancer and the chemo she had to go through. I guess I could relate a little, though she was so much sicker than I am. I guess I feel like MJ had been circling the drain for a long time, it was just a matter of when. He was a talented man, but so disturbed I felt sorry for him. I can't imagine the inner turmoil he must have had to alter his appearance so drastically over and over again. I liked him back in his prime, when I was a kid. Obviously I outgrew him, as did most people I think. He became like the Howard Hughes of music. Sad.

Anyways, have a good weekend, and I'll try to post again soon. Ciou!

I hope it's just today

Maybe I'm just stressing too much, but I feel totally overwhelmed today. This last treatment hasn't been too bad. I have been really fatigued, but not sick. 5 more to go. 10 weeks to go.

We are driving to Fargo tomorrow because my son (Bear) is participating in a baseball competition on Saturday. I know that it will do me good to get away from the house and see something besides the base, but I am feeling very nervous about the trip. I haven't been that far away from the house in a long time, and the long car ride (5 hours) is making me stressed. I don't really even like being in the car long enough to go into town these days. I'm not really one for facing the public these days either; it makes me nervous. I think I have become sort of a recluse the last few months. I am way too thin and I have to wear a wig. This cancer is doing nothing for my self esteem, I must say. And that was never too good to begin with. But I know this trip is important to Bear, so I'll make the best of it. Maybe I'll get a good dinner at Olive Garden. That would be nice.

Sunday morning my SIL is coming in. I love her and I can't wait to see her. But I am stressed because the house is a wreck. I know I shouldn't care, but because I am me, I'm going to stress out about it anyway. That's how I roll. I was always raised to make a show for company. I know what you're thinking; "Why don't you get off your ass and clean then?". And I want too. But I get tired just standing for more than a minute at a time, and I have a serious sensitivity to smells with this chemo, especially chemical smells or anything medicinal. I am going to attempt to clean my bedroom and bathroom tonight at least.

About a week ago our dryer broke. So there is a mountain of laundry in the laundry room, and we are air drying our clothes that we really need. Which means that all of our clothes and towels are crunchy. Sweet.

I know this sounds like a lot of whining, and it is, but I guess this is the only place to do it. Isn't that what a blog is for? To say what you can't really say in real life? And no, Wonderdad, I am NOT blaming you or anyone else for anything. I know you are doing the best you can, and you are fantastic about everything. I am just venting. So please don't get upset.

T, please forgive me for the state of our home (and me) when you get here. And for the crunchy towels. Sorry.

Please God, let me get my life back soon. I can't take too much more of this.

Rambling; it's late and I'm tired

Hello all! About to embark on chemo treatment # 7/12 on Tuesday. This past week has not been to bad, considering. It seems that we've finally found a medicine combo that works! At least I hope so, that this week has not been a fluke. I haven't felt good, but it has definitely been the best chemo round so far, and I haven't been sick. Now, if only I could get my hair to grow back!

Babygirl's sleepover party was pretty good. She had 2 friends over and they were very well behaved and had a good time. She is growing up so fast; I can't believe she is 7 already.

Yesterday my friend Barb came over and kept me company during the day. I was feeling pretty good, and we just sat and talked and drank coffee. It was really nice because it's been a long time since I had girlfriend time. She works in my squadron too, and the base had the day off yesterday. I really missed just having someone to gossip with and talk to. Friends are hard to come by here, and harder to keep once you've found them. In a couple of weeks we have to say goodbye to a very close couple of friends. They are separating from the AF and moving to SC. God, how I hate watching friends walk in and out of my life so often. Lucky for me Barb has only been here for a year or so. I guess that is the lifestyle though in the military. You would think I'd be used to it by now.

Bear, my 10 year old, was in a baseball competition last week, and he won for best pitcher and overall champion! He has been invited to be in a competition in Wapaton, ND in 2 weeks. Until yesterday I had no idea where that was; turns out it is an hour or so south of Fargo. That is quite a trip for us! I hope I am up for the trip then and not sick. He is really looking forward to it, and I am so proud of him.

The day after his competition, my SIL will be here for a visit. I am really looking forward to that, and I know the kids are too. They will be out of school and it will be nice to have someone here. And I know Wonderdad will enjoy having his sister around and the help with the kids.

Getting late, and I need sleep. More later!

Long time coming...

Sorry it's been such a long time since my last post. My brand new Dell laptop betrayed me and I am going to have to send it back to the factory. Can you believe that? Stupid Dell.

Things have been a little hairy for me since my mother left. It seems the chemo has been getting progressively worse, and the sickness has been lasting longer. I keep trying new medicines and none of them seem to work. The good news is that I got the results from my last scan and all of the active cancer cells are gone. The bad news is that I still have to continue with the rest of the chemotherapy, and that is 7 more treatments. God, the thought of going through this 7 more times just kills me. My whole summer is shot.

You know that medicinal smell that all hospitals have? My cancer center has an even worse smell, and it is very distinctive. The last few days I have not been able to get the smell out of my head, and it is nauseating. I smell it all the time, and I just can't get over it. I know it's all in my head, but it is grinding on my nerves.

I think I am really getting on my husband's nerves. The house is a wreck, and I am not very good at getting the kids to do their chores. He comes home yelling every night. I feel like I have just been a horrible wife and mother lately. I know that he understands when I don't feel well, but it just seems so much more frequent the last few weeks. I should be feeling better now that I know my treatments are working and I will be getting better, but it's hard to stay positive when you feel like crap every day. I feel like I live in my room, and it's depressing. I want to be up and doing things with my kids, and watching TV with my husband. The weather is finally good, and I can't enjoy it except through the window. I try to go to work as much as I can, but it is few and far between. Luckily I have great supervisors and a good commander.

Yesterday was Babygirl's 7th birthday. I think she enjoyed it, but her party isn't until next weekend. Hopefully I will be feeling good by next Saturday. She is going to have a sleepover. I owe her that at least. It's a mermaid extravaganza! She got 2 new mermaids for the tub, a Taylor Swift CD, a Hannah Montana CD, and a Taylor Swift doll that sings. Wonderdad had to do all the shopping for her, and he did a great job. Her Grammy sent her a babydoll that makes noises and a locket with her Grandparent's pictures in it. She LOVES that locket because it is such a grown up gift.

I'll try to make my next update sooner. Hope all of my friends in blogland are doing alright. Chat later!